Our Nurture/Nature is Hijacking our Happiness
Growing up we accumulate numerous experiences influenced by our genetic disposition which falls under the spectrum of nature while other influences mainly by our surroundings, fall under our inevitable state of nurture.
We can think of this structure as an application and outcome of how we interact with one another on a daily bases. The impacts vary based on the type of relationship one has with the other. Emotions are specifically evoked by way of an integrated nature and nurture thus impacting the results of any interaction.
This means that when two people meet and have any form of discussion, their nature/nurture combination can bring out complimentary differences where the end result is an enhanced feeling of joy, growth, and deeper sense of compatibility. However, when there is conflict between the two, that same nature/nurture combination draws each participant back to a space of familiarity, also knows as their respective comfort zones. This means that whatever was there in complimentary is now being used to anchor deeply rooted beliefs and engage in an unpleasant interaction. The nature/nurture of one person becomes a place of extreme contention in the others belief system that it inevitably ends up being the place that is attacked. As one draws back to this place in defense, there will be no adjustments on either end and the interaction ends in a stalemate with tremendous emotional repercussions.
Think of yourself as a person walking with a bag of sour candy (your nature/nurture combination) that is near and dear to your heart. You meet someone who you find extremely enjoyable. Their bag of candy, which they also revere tremendously, is filled with an assortment of chocolates. These two bags can seem complimentary because of their differences. This way both can experience something different with extreme enjoyment when it is offered with love, abundance, and care. Once a conflict arrises from a deep rooted difference, like politics, religion, acceptable sense of humor, various other boundaries, you no longer feel like sharing any part of your candy until there is a resolution. One very common approach is to attack the other persons bag of candy with hurtful words that at the time seem necessary and adequate. All the words that we always later regret saying. Comments around how stale the candy may be, or how it wasn’t the best tasting chocolate, or even how ugly the color of the bag was continue to fly back and forth. All this comes out in defense of self because this difference in core values seems to be more important than the person we just utterly enjoyed moments prior the disagreement.
We get to such a divisive place because we end up valuing the bag of candy more than the person that is in front of us. Our value system is deeply engraved in the individuality of conflict rather than the collective pain we are sharing, that my bag of candy, my overall nature/nurture combination, is more valuable than a whole other human being and their overall nurture/nature. Coming to such an event with this mindset continues to perpetuate the illusion of division and separation, that we come to this event with a mindset of individuality with the hopes of becoming something more but with unfortunate circumstances in the end.
What if we approached one another without a sense of separation? What if we approached one another as a continuation of ourselves, that my bag of candy was never mine to begin with and neither was theirs. That these bags are collective bags for all of us to dip into and taste from. Meaning, we meet one another, open to their experience, for us to learn and grow from, because adding their lifes perspective to ours expands our reality and enables us to become more aware of our own existence. We can then say that we would live for one another by always being open, accepting, and available to one another, because only then can we propel ourselves into infinite dimensions of knowledge and wisdom. In other words, our ability to see ourselves as one, and being open to learning from our differences rather than anchor down and protect our beliefs, opens us up to expanding our beliefs in a more inclusive way, thus, reducing and maybe eliminating any future conflict.
We may have been born with the idea of separation as an innate protocol, but through unlearning mechanisms we can find more joy and wisdom in collective entanglements. There is more to gain through collectivism than fighting for our individuality from one another. Our own personal realties are so small and our understanding of the infinite is so lost on us that we need one another, and the perspectives and realities of one another, to propel our growth further and faster. If we can do this, then we can truly encompass empathy for one another and an innate commitment to the well being of one another can be experienced in full with absolute joy.
I am for you and you are for me. Together we have always been the infinite WE we continue to search for.
